Saturday, December 17, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Saturday, February 12, 2005
My Daddy
My Daddy
February 12, 2005
Well, today i got into a yelling match with my father. That's something I rarely do . Usually, I just take his crap and that's that. It really doesn't matter why just that i feel lousy about it . At the same time I'm trying to figure out why i feel so bad because my father can really push your buttons. I don't know if i've mentioned in my other journal but his last sister died last week. Now , i know he feels pretty low and maybe that's why i feel so bad about yelling and arguing with him. Now , why we were arguing is simply this . My father is forever accusing you or simply putting me down for some reason or no reason. No matter what the conversation , by the time we get into talking he's insulting me or telling me i don't want to listen , or i'm wrong about everything i say or do. As, far as he is concerned if you don't think and do as he feels you should then you are wrong . He's never wrong everyone is and you are never right. You are not entitled to have your own thought or opinion. If you dare you are wrong , wrong , wrong.
I got tired of it today. And i snapped. I'm sorry but I'm not . I guess the main reason why i'm sorry because i know he probably didn't hear a word i said and still he doesn't get it , so it was a waist of breathe to bother. now , not only am i wrong but i'm an awlful person for talking to him the way i did. That's the only thing i accomplished today.
Prev Top
Changing the SubjectMy other journal
My new writing creation ahhhdagg
Visit my Forum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
© Website Copyright 2005 by My-Journal.com
© Journal Content Copyright 2005 by the Author
Terms of Service Agreement
Privacy Policy
February 12, 2005
Well, today i got into a yelling match with my father. That's something I rarely do . Usually, I just take his crap and that's that. It really doesn't matter why just that i feel lousy about it . At the same time I'm trying to figure out why i feel so bad because my father can really push your buttons. I don't know if i've mentioned in my other journal but his last sister died last week. Now , i know he feels pretty low and maybe that's why i feel so bad about yelling and arguing with him. Now , why we were arguing is simply this . My father is forever accusing you or simply putting me down for some reason or no reason. No matter what the conversation , by the time we get into talking he's insulting me or telling me i don't want to listen , or i'm wrong about everything i say or do. As, far as he is concerned if you don't think and do as he feels you should then you are wrong . He's never wrong everyone is and you are never right. You are not entitled to have your own thought or opinion. If you dare you are wrong , wrong , wrong.
I got tired of it today. And i snapped. I'm sorry but I'm not . I guess the main reason why i'm sorry because i know he probably didn't hear a word i said and still he doesn't get it , so it was a waist of breathe to bother. now , not only am i wrong but i'm an awlful person for talking to him the way i did. That's the only thing i accomplished today.
Prev Top
Changing the SubjectMy other journal
My new writing creation ahhhdagg
Visit my Forum
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
© Website Copyright 2005 by My-Journal.com
© Journal Content Copyright 2005 by the Author
Terms of Service Agreement
Privacy Policy
Monday, January 10, 2005
yet more about my sad life
Cont. from Yep , I Spoke to Soon!
January 8, 2005
Well, what's been in my heart for a long time is that I've been pretending that I have a love affair with Phil.
For years I've felt the coldness between us but refuse to accept it. Though I don't want to consider what I've been thinking since the beginning of the year as a resolution , I did decide that I was going to take better care of myself , mind , body and soul. I also decided that I'm going to break bad habits. Of, course one of those habits are to stop using drugs . Now, I have to identify the other bad habits that aren't so apparent.
One,would be to stop deluding myself into believing that Phil loves me. Maybe, because I've been using drugs , I've damaged this relationship . If, that is true then I can accept that. However, he won't tell me what he feels and he continues to allow me to be here with him , I still have the key so forth and so on. I guess that's why I didn't want to believe that it's over. You would think he would just say so.
No, he continues to sleep with me and live with me , so no wonder I'm confused. None the less his behavior says something totally different. He's cruel and sometimes very bitter. He talks to with such vulger language for anything he pleases . I've been around him for a long time and I've never heard him talk to anyone but his ex-wife like he's spoken to me lately. Oh, and he can't stand her. He spoken to stray dogs with more respect. He doesn't even try to control himself , he just says what he wants anyway he wants and when I strike back . Well, of course now I'm the vulger one.
I guess what I'm getting at is that if I'm to live up to my promise to myself then I have to stop allowing this. Since , I can't change him I have to let go. If I continue to stay with him it will just get worse. When you let some get away with treating you bad they just loose any respect for you they may have had. Then you appear to be disparate. Also, you can't complain because a person can only do to you what you allow. By remaining once I know this is abuse ,is to give him permission to treat me bad. Then , I only get what I ask for.
I guess , another problem I have is every since I met him ,the truth is when I'm living with him I do better. I can't afford to move on my own and that leaves with moving back to my mother's where I seem to give in to temptation. I guess I'm just going to have to be stronger now. Also, I'll miss Duke. I did agree to come here in the day time while my daughter is in school and stay with him so I can let him out . I'll just be leaving before he gets home.
Most of all I hope that I can do it. Leave that is. I hope I can be strong and do what I must to improve myself.
Prev Top
Changing the SubjectMy other journal
January 8, 2005
Well, what's been in my heart for a long time is that I've been pretending that I have a love affair with Phil.
For years I've felt the coldness between us but refuse to accept it. Though I don't want to consider what I've been thinking since the beginning of the year as a resolution , I did decide that I was going to take better care of myself , mind , body and soul. I also decided that I'm going to break bad habits. Of, course one of those habits are to stop using drugs . Now, I have to identify the other bad habits that aren't so apparent.
One,would be to stop deluding myself into believing that Phil loves me. Maybe, because I've been using drugs , I've damaged this relationship . If, that is true then I can accept that. However, he won't tell me what he feels and he continues to allow me to be here with him , I still have the key so forth and so on. I guess that's why I didn't want to believe that it's over. You would think he would just say so.
No, he continues to sleep with me and live with me , so no wonder I'm confused. None the less his behavior says something totally different. He's cruel and sometimes very bitter. He talks to with such vulger language for anything he pleases . I've been around him for a long time and I've never heard him talk to anyone but his ex-wife like he's spoken to me lately. Oh, and he can't stand her. He spoken to stray dogs with more respect. He doesn't even try to control himself , he just says what he wants anyway he wants and when I strike back . Well, of course now I'm the vulger one.
I guess what I'm getting at is that if I'm to live up to my promise to myself then I have to stop allowing this. Since , I can't change him I have to let go. If I continue to stay with him it will just get worse. When you let some get away with treating you bad they just loose any respect for you they may have had. Then you appear to be disparate. Also, you can't complain because a person can only do to you what you allow. By remaining once I know this is abuse ,is to give him permission to treat me bad. Then , I only get what I ask for.
I guess , another problem I have is every since I met him ,the truth is when I'm living with him I do better. I can't afford to move on my own and that leaves with moving back to my mother's where I seem to give in to temptation. I guess I'm just going to have to be stronger now. Also, I'll miss Duke. I did agree to come here in the day time while my daughter is in school and stay with him so I can let him out . I'll just be leaving before he gets home.
Most of all I hope that I can do it. Leave that is. I hope I can be strong and do what I must to improve myself.
Prev Top
Changing the SubjectMy other journal
more about my life
Yep, I Spoke To Soon!
January 8, 2005
Well, first , I'd like to say I'm glad the site is back up. My, computer has been giving trouble and at first I thought it was because of that I couldn't bring up the site. E-mailed a friend and found out that wasn't the reason .
Back to my troubled life. I wrote the other day that I thought things between Phil and I were getting better. Wrong again! As I've mentioned something has been going on with the computer. Now, we have a Dell. Turns out he had some kind of warranty that he paid for , for a year of service that included someone being able to come out and check the computer to fix the problem. How I found this out the contract is about to expire and they sent a letter offering him the opportunity to renew. It, won't be expire until the end of Feb. so that means he still has some time left to get someone here. However, when I attempted to reach Dell , I was unable because it's in his name.
So, of course I asked would he get in contact and arrange it. Oh, no this was the perfect opportunity for him to blame me for the problems concerning the computer. Also, to insult my very existence. What , turned out to be a simple request ended up a screaming match of insults and foul language.
Now, I tried to reason. Even though he wanted to continue blaming me . I stated that even if I had done something wrong , I would like to know what it was I had done so I wouldn't continue doing it. I also said that regardless of who's fault it is , now there is a problem why not just have it looked and get it fixed , instead of arguing about who's fault it was. Now, if that's not trying to be reasonable then I guess I'm just unreasonable. Anyway, you'll have to read "What's In My Heart " to find out what I have decided from this point . It's time for me to make some hard decissions and that's something that's been in my heart for a while. Hope you read.
Prev Top Next
What's in my HeartMy new journal
Let's Talk About ForumJoin my New Forum
January 8, 2005
Well, first , I'd like to say I'm glad the site is back up. My, computer has been giving trouble and at first I thought it was because of that I couldn't bring up the site. E-mailed a friend and found out that wasn't the reason .
Back to my troubled life. I wrote the other day that I thought things between Phil and I were getting better. Wrong again! As I've mentioned something has been going on with the computer. Now, we have a Dell. Turns out he had some kind of warranty that he paid for , for a year of service that included someone being able to come out and check the computer to fix the problem. How I found this out the contract is about to expire and they sent a letter offering him the opportunity to renew. It, won't be expire until the end of Feb. so that means he still has some time left to get someone here. However, when I attempted to reach Dell , I was unable because it's in his name.
So, of course I asked would he get in contact and arrange it. Oh, no this was the perfect opportunity for him to blame me for the problems concerning the computer. Also, to insult my very existence. What , turned out to be a simple request ended up a screaming match of insults and foul language.
Now, I tried to reason. Even though he wanted to continue blaming me . I stated that even if I had done something wrong , I would like to know what it was I had done so I wouldn't continue doing it. I also said that regardless of who's fault it is , now there is a problem why not just have it looked and get it fixed , instead of arguing about who's fault it was. Now, if that's not trying to be reasonable then I guess I'm just unreasonable. Anyway, you'll have to read "What's In My Heart " to find out what I have decided from this point . It's time for me to make some hard decissions and that's something that's been in my heart for a while. Hope you read.
Prev Top Next
What's in my HeartMy new journal
Let's Talk About ForumJoin my New Forum
something about my life
Hope I Didn't Speak to Soon!!!!!
January 6, 2005
What does this mean? Well for the last few days the big P has been semi-civil. The critisms , and insults have discontinued for now. I even go me SOME NOOKIE the other night, not bad. However , the moment it seems like things are doing ok with this individual the sh*t hits the fan. So, that's why I say don't want to speak to soon.
On another night I would like for people to visit my forum and join and start the dialog.You can click this link and bookmark if you like >Let's Talk About Forum
Might be updating so stay tuned.
Prev Top Next
January 6, 2005
What does this mean? Well for the last few days the big P has been semi-civil. The critisms , and insults have discontinued for now. I even go me SOME NOOKIE the other night, not bad. However , the moment it seems like things are doing ok with this individual the sh*t hits the fan. So, that's why I say don't want to speak to soon.
On another night I would like for people to visit my forum and join and start the dialog.You can click this link and bookmark if you like >Let's Talk About Forum
Might be updating so stay tuned.
Prev Top Next
Monday, January 03, 2005
A Brand New Day
Well, today is back to school for the kids. My daughter is not happy about that at all. Myself , I was in college and now I have to straighten out a mess I made of that situation. Because of my using i missed so much i couldn't finish last semester. Now, I have to see if they will let me come back.
On another note I've been at Phil's for a bout near a week. When I came I had bronchitis really bad. I coughed so much , my nose would bleed. Now , it's better. We couldn't do the nasty. Now, because he had been so evil about stupid shit I don't want to do it with him. That's odd for me because he has always found ways to annoy but it never turned me off like this.Maybe , the urge will return.
provided by VideoCodes4U.com
50 Cent - P.I.M.P.
On another note I've been at Phil's for a bout near a week. When I came I had bronchitis really bad. I coughed so much , my nose would bleed. Now , it's better. We couldn't do the nasty. Now, because he had been so evil about stupid shit I don't want to do it with him. That's odd for me because he has always found ways to annoy but it never turned me off like this.Maybe , the urge will return.
provided by VideoCodes4U.com
50 Cent - P.I.M.P.
Sunday, January 02, 2005
My Birthday Today
Yes, today is my birthday. Can you believe it . Most people I know have to wait months after the new year begins for their birthdays . Not me. Mine has to come the very next day. It's not easy having that day as your birthday because it's hardly remembered.
Well, no whinning. I'm very happy that I've made it this far . So many don't . My kids baked me cake and they are supposed to be taking me out. My son bought me a Queen cd .
Nothing much to report just blahh
loop=infinite>
Well, no whinning. I'm very happy that I've made it this far . So many don't . My kids baked me cake and they are supposed to be taking me out. My son bought me a Queen cd .
Nothing much to report just blahh
Saturday, January 01, 2005
2005 A New Chance
Sometimes I wonder why I need a chance to start over again. It seems every year I try to wipe the slates clean and start anew. It also seems that by the end of the year I don't live up to what I hoped for.
I really don't want make promises this time but I do want to change and do something that I can be proud of next year or by the end of the year.
I really don't want make promises this time but I do want to change and do something that I can be proud of next year or by the end of the year.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)